Likable people are always listeners who are curious to genuinely learn new things. The best communicators talk and talk—and then listen for a response. That makes them an office favorite. Really and truly care. How do you develop the personality trait of caring? It can be difficult, especially in an age of social media where everyone is dangerously close to being a narcissist.
Caring is an act of setting aside your own interests and ambitions for a while and helping others. It requires effort. You have to consciously decide you are going to care about someone else. We all know how important it is to steer clear of the office know-it-all. Why is that? More importantly, those who have all of the answers are usually pushing their own agenda. Go for the laugh, every time. More on the science behind Dale Carnegie's classic here.
Comedians don't just talk about anything when they're onstage. They have their act rehearsed. You don't just trot into a job interview and say whatever's on your mind.
Always have three good stories on hand that reliably entertain, inform, or engage. Another tip from Scott Adams : People are generally more interested in stories about people rather than things. Drama, gossip, and reality TV are successful for a reason. We all find human behavior fascinating. On the other hand, most people don't want to hear about the features on your new iPhone.
More on how to tell good stories here. It's not all about the words. Some people are engaging but if what they said was transcribed, it would be unimpressive.
When you're speaking emotionally, the words only account for 7 percent of what get conveyed. Seven percent. Voice tone and body language are far more important. Here's how to be charismatic. Got a say in where you'll be at, as with a date or meeting? Pick someplace stimulating. Context matters. In general, we're lousy about realizing where our feelings are coming from. Geduld says that means you need to learn how to read your audience to see how long they'll be able to pay attention and tease your listeners with clues to the end of the story.
Interestingly, recent research found that men who can tell a good story are also seen as more attractive by women. The study authors say that's possibly because skilled storytellers may seem better positioned to influence others or gain authority. Knowing how to tell a story spontaneously is a handy skill — but if you're nervous about that, arm yourself with a few personal anecdotes you can use to liven up an otherwise dull interaction. Writes Devesh : "Comedians don't just talk about anything when they're onstage.
They have their act rehearsed. You don't just trot into a job interview and say whatever's on your mind. Always have three good stories on hand that reliably entertain, inform, or engage. A striking number of Quora users mentioned that one way to seem interest ing is to be interest ed in others. Writes Quentin Hardy , a Googler and former editor for The New York Times: "Listen carefully to others, and try with some compassion to understand their motives and actions.
Few of us are really good at this. Everyone becomes nearly infinite in their experience of life, if we listen to them with enough imagination. Working that out grows ourselves. Wondering if you're wrong helps, too. At a party, you don't need to say much about yourself for people to believe you're interesting. Instead, engage them in deep conversation about their lifestyle.
Follow up with more thoughtful discussion and necessary questions again, not prying. By the end of the evening they will remember you as one of the most interesting people they ever met.
Don't be embarrassed to ask seemingly simple questions, either. As Evan Ratliff, a journalist who's written for publications including The New Yorker, told Fast Company : "There's typically no point in pretending you know something when you don't. As a reporter the goal is to gather information, not to impress your subjects.
You'd think it would be different in business, but it's not. Kat Li says people who don't opine on or disagree with anything can be boring. Instead of learning about a ton of dull topics just for the sake of being knowledgeable, pursue areas that you actually find stimulating. That way, you'll sound animated and engaging when describing them to other people.
One of the things that I have on my manifesto is the following :. After all, people want to be around others who make them feel good about themselves and about the world in general. Happy people are much more magnetic—and interesting—than downers. Listening to him talk about these subjects is fascinating. Interesting people have something that they care deeply about. Passionate people are incredibly interesting.
If you want to be interesting, you have to fill your brain with interesting things. Think of it this way: whatever goes into your brain is what will, eventually, come out of your mouth. That is, to being interesting. Become well-read , watch classic films, go to museums, subscribe to interesting blogs and podcasts, and listen to great music. After all, being weird is a wonderful thing. Own it! They do the following:. Are you likely to want to speak to them again?
Probably not. Part of their attention is on you, but most of it is somewhere else. Those people come across as being incredibly likeable, and interesting. And they achieve this by being fully present—by giving others the gift of their full attention. After all, people love talking about themselves.
In fact, research shows the following:. Being an interesting conversationalist is a two-way street. Do the following:. You can start by asking people about their hobbies, their family, their future travel plans, and so on. Then, make sure that you listen carefully to what they have to say. We are programmed to prefer stories and to think in story structures.
Stories help our minds to focus.
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